4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
