did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize