yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
