oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
