he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
