I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
