i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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