College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
