My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
