cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
