3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
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