My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
