I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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