I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize