I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
