Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
