I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
