I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
