I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
