Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
