it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
