sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
