In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
