"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize