I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dignity is for republicans.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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