it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He had one of those small greek statue penises
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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