I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
