i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
