yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
