I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize