the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
