apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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