It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
