She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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