You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
