is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my liver is dry heaving
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
