Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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