I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
