So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
