I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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