The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
