My room smells like vodka and shame
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So vagazzling was a success
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
