If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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