Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
