ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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