Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
