Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize