I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
