Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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