FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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