Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
