so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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