you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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