"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
