My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
