first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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