come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
