I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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