i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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