flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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