maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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