i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
