I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize