i already hear my dad disowning me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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