I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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