All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
