Say something about gay babies.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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