i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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