the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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