Kiss
Puke
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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