Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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